Doctors Humor 2

Doctor:  You're in good health.  You'll live to be 80.
Patient:  But, doctor, I am 80 right now.
Doctor:  See, what did I tell you.

2. A woman decides that she's not amply enough endowed in the chest, so she goes to her plastic surgeon about getting implants. "What are my options?" she asks the doctor. "Well," the doctor responded, "The very best, most realistic implants are made of silicone." "Okay. What's the price tag on those?" "$25,000." The woman sighed. "I don't have $25,000 to spare. Are there any other options?" "The next best type of implants are rubber. They're less realistic, but the process is quite a bit cheaper, about $10,000." The woman shook her head. "I'm afraid I just can't afford that. Sorry I wasted your time." "Wait," said the doctor. "There is one more option, but it's in the experimental stages. If you're willing to try it out, it will be free." "Okay," said the woman cautiously. "What kind of implants are these?" "Balloons," replied the doctor. "It requires a less invasive procedure, but they must be reinflated periodically." The woman decided to go for the operation. It was successful, and when it was all finished the doctor showed her how to inflate them, like this: {Put fingers on chest just above bosom. Move your elbows up and down like a chicken flapping its wings.} So, once she fully recovered, the woman went to a singles bar. She spied a likely-looking prospect on the other side of the bar. She walked over, making sure that her breasts were inflated {repeat chicken-wing motion}. "Pardon me," she said to the man, "but haven't I seen you here before?" (say the following line while scissoring legs open and closed) "No, but we have the same doctor!"
3. As the doctor completed an examination of the patient, he said, "I can't find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it's due to drinking." "In that case," said the patient, "I'll come back when you're sober"
4. The patient shook his doctor's hand in gratitude and said, "Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will." "That is very kind of you," said the doctor emotionally, and then added, "Can I see that prescription I just gave you? I'd like to make a little change..."
5. A woman is laying on a gurney out in the hall prior to going to surgery. As she lays there, a man in a white coat comes by, lifts up the sheet, and then leaves. This happens a second time. The third time this happens, she says, "Doctor, am I going into surgery soon?" The man replies, "Don't ask me lady. I'm just a painter!"
6. A man working at a lumberyard is pushing a tree through a saw when he accidentally shears off all then of his fingers. He rushes to the emergency of a nearby hospital where the awaiting doctor takes a look and says, "Yuck! Well, give me the fingers and I'll see what I can do." "I haven't got the fingers." The doctor says, "What do you mean, you haven't got the fingers? This is the age of medical advances. We've go microsurgery and all sorts of incredible techniques! Why didn't you bring me the fingers?" "Well, heck, doctor. I tried, but I couldn't pick 'em up."

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